Do you know the worst thing about heartbreak ? Life goes on. The world doesn't stop one second for your grief.
You wake up every morning to tear drenched pillows because apparently you have been crying in your sleep. Nerve-racking, Sweat-inducing, Soul-crushing tears.
You go to work, the mall, church and everybody is going about their business. It's like nobody sees the physical pain you're in. And how can they see, when you have this fake smile plastered on your face. The ones who know don't really understand how you feel. They wouldn't understand even if you explained it to them. Heck you can't even explain it to yourself.
It's like someone reached into your chest and ripped your heart out. But that would mean you'd be dead, right ? So why then does it feel like you've been run over by a thousand trains a thousand times over?
You just want to be alone, in your bed, with your thoughts. Their well meaning show of concern and platitudes disgust you.
"He's in a better place"; "You'd find somebody more deserving of you"; "God knows best"; "I know how you feel"...
What you feel is numb.
Which slowly progresses to anger. And if you let it, that anger eats deep into you for a while and colors your outlook on life , jeopardizing your other relationships . You swear you'd never let anyone get close enough to hurt you like that ever again.
But all you feel is empty. You miss him. You ask God to bring him back to you. You promise to be good, to give more to the needy and participate in every church activity. But deep down you know nothing can ever bring him back.
All you have now are memories.
You woke up this morning to dry and fluffy pillows. It doesn't hurt so bad anymore .
Life really does go on.
You wake up every morning to tear drenched pillows because apparently you have been crying in your sleep. Nerve-racking, Sweat-inducing, Soul-crushing tears.
You go to work, the mall, church and everybody is going about their business. It's like nobody sees the physical pain you're in. And how can they see, when you have this fake smile plastered on your face. The ones who know don't really understand how you feel. They wouldn't understand even if you explained it to them. Heck you can't even explain it to yourself.
It's like someone reached into your chest and ripped your heart out. But that would mean you'd be dead, right ? So why then does it feel like you've been run over by a thousand trains a thousand times over?
You just want to be alone, in your bed, with your thoughts. Their well meaning show of concern and platitudes disgust you.
"He's in a better place"; "You'd find somebody more deserving of you"; "God knows best"; "I know how you feel"...
What you feel is numb.
Which slowly progresses to anger. And if you let it, that anger eats deep into you for a while and colors your outlook on life , jeopardizing your other relationships . You swear you'd never let anyone get close enough to hurt you like that ever again.
But all you feel is empty. You miss him. You ask God to bring him back to you. You promise to be good, to give more to the needy and participate in every church activity. But deep down you know nothing can ever bring him back.
All you have now are memories.
You woke up this morning to dry and fluffy pillows. It doesn't hurt so bad anymore .
Life really does go on.
No comments:
Post a Comment