HOW TO SURVIVE A RECESSION Episode 5

Disclaimer: "Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. Recovery is when Buhari loses his"
     (plagiarized version)

On today's episode of "How to survive a recession: Brother's Keeper Edition

You know what word rhymes with recession? Depression

One of the things we Nigerians are very much in denial about. But there's a lot of that going around these days.

Just about every other week I hear news of someone being laid off their job due to the economic downturn.
People are suffering quietly, struggling to make ends meet.
You turn on the news and just wonder....
It's not far fetched that times like this can leave one feeling stressed and depressed.

If there was ever a time to practice being our brother's keeper, it's now.

** Not everytime "Fadalaud send my destiny helpers my way", you too be somebody's destiny helper. Be the answer to somebody's prayers.

** Smile and pay someone a genuine compliment. It might just be the encouragement they need for the day.

** Turn the other cheek. Don't give in to anger. If someone is in your face/comments/inbox trying to be a first class A hole. You know that you can put this person on blast and decimate him with your words. Instead you ignore; mute conversation or block. You save yourself energy and save the ozone layer as well.
Jesus 1- 0 Satan

** Be courteous. Allow the other driver to enter your lane in traffic. Give someone a ride to work.

** Use deodorant.

** Don't do/say things that would make people blaspheme God, all in the name of stirring up religous debate. There are a few disgruntled people out there who will jump at any opportunity to ridicule God.

** Don't forget to pray for the internally displaced persons in the North.

** School is back in session. Look out for the young ones.

** Treat people with respect regardless of their social strata.

** SHARE internet data with someone.

** Call and keep in touch with your parents. Always remember that no matter how tough it gets, you are not alone.
This too shall pass.

HOW TO SURVIVE A RECESSION Episode 4

Disclaimer:
 "Good morning Patience Jonathan. The ideal patient👏. The only person that budgets $31 million for treatment. On behalf of doctors, please collect this good morning.
The rest of you that don't budget that amount, Goan look for your good morning. You people are the reason doctors are still driving 504"
     -Prince Viktörr

Previously on "How to survive a recession: The Food Edition (Eat healthy. Live healthy):
We saw the 20 amazing benefits of coconut oil(refer to Photo Album: Coconut Diaries)

Far be it from me to police your eating habits but since you're already here...

1) #FOODMUSTNOTWASTE. Repeat after me. Food must not waste.
Only cook what you can eat. It really is that simple.

2) Go NUTS with your diet. Walnut, Almonds, Cashew, Tiger nuts, Coconut, Peanuts etc
They have amazing health benefits.

3) Breakfast still remains the most important meal of the day.

4) Avoid eating roadside food i.e food you're not sure how it was prepared..
Not every time Mr Biggs. Staying in is the new going out.

5) Eat less salt, your heart will thank you for it.  Drink lots of water, your skin would thank you for it.
Eat your fruits/veggies, your bowels will thank you for it.
Exercise, your body will thank you for it.

6) Yeah the prices of things have gone up in the market, but always remember the golden rule, quality over quantity.
Amen?

HOW TO SURVIVE A RECESSION Episode 3

Disclaimer:
" FRESH $5m found in Patience Jonathan's account" - PUNCH Newspaper
Abeg does anybody have any stale $5m that they are not using again?

On today's episode of "How to survive a recession: The Onigbese Edition

Onigbese: Debtor, Creditor

I've always said that there are two awkwardly frustrating situations I'd rather not find myself in:
1) having to tell someone that they have bad breath/body odour.
2) trying to convince(beg) someone who owes you money to pay up.

Scenario 1 is not all that daunting because once the issue is out in the open, it's only a matter of time before we can all move on with our lives.

Scenario 2 on the other hand, usually goes down like this:

You: Guy how far, when you go free me the bar?(when will you pay me my money?)

Onigbese:
** Is it because of small N50,000 you are harassing me like this ? My God will fight for me.
** You sef, are you not bigger than 5million naira?
** My ATM card got trapped
** Unfailingly tomorrow, first thing in the morning ("What if tomorrow never comes playing in the background")
** blocks you on all social media platforms/screens your calls.
** develops amnesia

You:  😶 *logs out of life*