Disclaimer: The following post is heavily stereotyped. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental or not.
On today's episode of "Things Nigerians do that stress me out"
MONEY
A Nigerian with mint Naira notes is like a spoilt kid with a new toy; they don't want to share.
Nigerians are so fond of hoarding mint Naira notes that if they manage to part ways with that money, they'd quarrel with you for giving them dirty money as change.
RADIO SHOWS
Nigerian OAP: *in epileptic accent*
Please turn down the volume of your radio set before calling into the show
Nigerian listener: *calls in with stereo turned all the way up* Hello? Can you hear me?
DIRECTIONS
God forbid a Nigerian ever admits to not knowing the answer to something.
"Aunty when you get to the T junction, turn left and keep going till you see the red chapel, then ask anybody from there they will direct you"
😥
PRAYER
Nigerian: You're not praying o, I can't hear you
Translation: You're not shouting loud enough.
TIME
Time is just a suggestion.
We all know we're gonna be late to that event, it's just a matter of how late.
10am prompt and the bride is nowhere to be found.
VOICEMAIL
GLO: 0803XXX just sent you a Voice SMS. Please dial 115 to listen to it.
Oyibo Pepperr: *dials 115*
*listens to 1minute of heavy breathing and indistinct shuffling*
GLO: 4Naira has been deducted from your account.
FFS!
STATUS UPDATE
Nigerian: Why do bad things happen to good people? *insert sad emoticon* #feelingsad.
Concerned(Amebo) Nigerian 1: Sorry love, what happened?
Nigerian: *vague silence*
Amebo Nigerian 2: Inbox dear.
Me: Just negodu!
<<end of rant>>
On today's episode of "Things Nigerians do that stress me out"
MONEY
A Nigerian with mint Naira notes is like a spoilt kid with a new toy; they don't want to share.
Nigerians are so fond of hoarding mint Naira notes that if they manage to part ways with that money, they'd quarrel with you for giving them dirty money as change.
RADIO SHOWS
Nigerian OAP: *in epileptic accent*
Please turn down the volume of your radio set before calling into the show
Nigerian listener: *calls in with stereo turned all the way up* Hello? Can you hear me?
DIRECTIONS
God forbid a Nigerian ever admits to not knowing the answer to something.
"Aunty when you get to the T junction, turn left and keep going till you see the red chapel, then ask anybody from there they will direct you"
😥
PRAYER
Nigerian: You're not praying o, I can't hear you
Translation: You're not shouting loud enough.
TIME
Time is just a suggestion.
We all know we're gonna be late to that event, it's just a matter of how late.
10am prompt and the bride is nowhere to be found.
VOICEMAIL
GLO: 0803XXX just sent you a Voice SMS. Please dial 115 to listen to it.
Oyibo Pepperr: *dials 115*
*listens to 1minute of heavy breathing and indistinct shuffling*
GLO: 4Naira has been deducted from your account.
FFS!
STATUS UPDATE
Nigerian: Why do bad things happen to good people? *insert sad emoticon* #feelingsad.
Concerned(Amebo) Nigerian 1: Sorry love, what happened?
Nigerian: *vague silence*
Amebo Nigerian 2: Inbox dear.
Me: Just negodu!
<<end of rant>>
No comments:
Post a Comment