Rant 101

There are three things that potentially stress me out. The fourth is just outright annoying.
1) A bad weave
2) Acne (don't ask me whether it's the stress that brings on the acne or vice versa)
3) Dandruff
4) Those people that use Whatsapp group chats as their beer parlor. How can I wake up to 500 unread messages and a drained battery in less than 6hours??

I can never understand females who go about with tangled weavon. As per you and your hair brush are keeping malice or what?
Ever heard the term "I got my hair laid"? Laid being the operative word here.
The urban dictionary defines it as "When someone's hair looks really good because it is pressed or flat-ironed to the point of satisfaction to viewers of the hair"
Speaking of well pressed hair. You people need to stop this thing where you leave out doesn't blend with your weave. That thing is not sexy mbok. Invest in a flat iron.

For me puberty came and went but the acne stayed. With it came self esteem issues that lingered for awhile.
You ovulate. Acne. You eat groundnut. Acne. You use the wrong cosmetic product. Acne.
People are constantly reminding you not to touch your face else you'd "make it worse".
Your bath sink is cluttered with cosmetic products that claim to be pore cleansing or target blackheads. All na scam
But at the end of the day, you're still a ridiculously fine girl and that's all that really matters, am I right or am I right. Hehe

It grinds my gears when people say  dandruff is a result of poor hygiene.
Please I am not a dirty girl. I'd pay good money to get the everlasting cure for dandruff .
Thanks & God bless.

Ethnic Resentment

Disclaimer:
"When people assume I'm Yoruba and speak it to me, I reply in Igbo since they want to reenact scenes from the Tower of Babel."
                             -@PyjamasRich

"Stop behaving like Etinan people."
That's what my momma would say to keep me in check anytime I started behaving like the devil's spawn. I never really understood what she meant by that but I'd be so butt hurt every time she said it, I'd immediately revert to my default settings.

Up until now.
I've lived in Uyo for close to three months now and from my interactions, a lot of people are pleasantly surprised to learn that I'm an Ibibio woman. Then I tell them I'm from Etinan LGA and I can see the subtle change in their expression, like someone poured them a bucket of cold water.

 Well imagine my bewilderment earlier today while speaking with a learned friend and I casually mentioned I was from Etinan, the first word that left his mouth was "Eh?!" (mind you this person is not from Akwa Ibom o).
So apparently, according to him, we are notorious for witchcraft and our women don't value their marriage.
Wonderful.

Ethnic resentment.
See the thing about this ethnic resentment of a thing, it's so deeply rooted yet so subtle you barely notice it's there, not until the person you've been dating for close to four years wakes up one morning to tell you that his parents won't sanction his marrying anyone but an Anambra lady. Toh
It pops up in words like "Federal Character", "Catchment area", "Biafra"....and you just wonder, why so much venom?

If you chose to form an opinion of me based on where I come from without getting to know me first,  chale I've got news for you: It is not me you are doing, you are doing yourself.

P.S enough with the moon jokes already. The only other thing worse than ethnic resentment is the religious kind.

                      <<end of rant>>

Who Gambling Don Epp?

There are two vices that have slowly taken hold of young men in our Nigerian society today, so much so the statistics(if they are anything to go by) would alarm you. I'm talking about drugs and gambling.

You know there was a time when it was the "wayward" boys that did drugs. Well not anymore.
It has become a fast growing culture in our universities.
What's more, as a society we are ill equipped to handle these addicts as evidenced by the paucity of drug rehab centers in the country. I mean who needs rehab centers when there are deliverance ministers who can cast the evil spirits out.
I digress but what's up with young men and the bushy unkempt hair they keep these days? I hate to stereotype but you'd have to be on drugs to be seen on the streets looking like a scruffian. Pfft.

Then there's the gambling(aka betting). Bet9ja franchises are practically springing up on every street corner these days and they have no want for customers esp when European football is on TV. The amount of money these lads spend in these betting centres and online on a weekly basis would damn near give you an aneurysm.
Correct me if I'm wrong but nobody ever got filthy rich off betting.
Or in Nigerian parlance, who gambling don epp?