A Crash Course In Male Etiquette

Good morning dear folk of the male specie. I have a very serious issue to discuss with you this fine morning before we go about our daily activities.

The first category of people I will like to address here today are the HUGGERS a.ka Current tappers.
Two words. Personal space.
Why is it that when you see your homeboys, you shake hands with them but you insist on hugging and pulling me in close when you see me?
Not cool sir, please stay in your lane.

Secondly, and possibly the worst of the bunch are the SMOOTH TALKERS(allegedly)
"Baby how are you doing", "Good morning beautiful" "Hello angel" 🌚
Young man, we don't know each other like that. Keep your sweet words to yourself.
And then those ones that have girlfriends/wives that go 'upandan' the cyber space confusing young girls with sweet words, the devil is soaking your cane inside kerosene.

Questions? Have a good day.
Class dismissed!

<<end of rant>>

C.R.A.M.P.S

Mittelschmerz

"Oh God no! Surely it can't be!"

 She reaches for her iPad and opens her fertility calendar app.

The highlighted green icon on the calendar confirms what her body has been trying to tell her all day, she has started ovulating.

Which could only mean one thing, her period was approximately 14 days away.

*activate survival mode*

PMS

The next 14 days are crucial for her. She crosses off things on her must/to do list:

- Buy the strongest pain killers at the pharmacy 

- Pray her period doesn't come on a weekday

- Avoid wearing white clothes 

- Avoid sweet things 

- Mood swings. Bloating. Acne. Temperature. Tenderness. Constipation. Nausea.

- Pray for the soul of anyone who gets on her nerves.

- Cramps. Urgh

Dysmenorrhea 

The red robots are here to mess up my day.....

She curls up in a fetal position on the bed, cradling a hot water bottle beneath her.

Nothing provides relief. She must suffer in silence for the next 24/48hours. Nobody understands her pain. 

The topic of a woman on her period has always been a hush hush thing. Even the idea of bringing it up is subconsciously frowned upon. In ancient times, a woman on her period was considered unclean.

Even you reading this now are a bit uncomfortable.

Oh well.

In my humble expert opinion, between labour pains and a very bad tooth ache, menstrual cramps are the absolute worst. 

Basically, it's like your uterus is trying to kill you.

I've once had cramps so bad I literally prayed for death to come.

Every girl tends to think she's got it bad until she meets another girl whose cramp episodes are just brutal. Kai! We should have a support group or something.

To be honest I can't seem to remember where I was going with this post.

Oh and ladies, while we are still on the matter, you can use any of the following very useful apps (Ladytimer or MyCalendar) to keep track of your cycle.

      <<end of monologue>>

Little Drops Of Water (Medicine at it's finest)

 Practicing medicine in Nigeria can be a real downer especially as you come across care givers/health care professionals who have lost their passion and the compassion (sympathy/empathy) needed for medicine because the system is broken. But just last summer I had an encounter with a lovely doctor which reminded me that in my future practice, I must not lose sight of what's important.....

Highlight of my day? The instant smile on the face of a sickly 7year old boy with HIV.

As he sat on the chair in the consultants office, beads of sweat poured down his frail looking frame. Shoulders hunched and head bowed, it looked like he was carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders. He was so thin you could make out the outline of his ribs. He didn't for once raise his head or speak up while the doctor examined him.

After the pediatrician was done examining him, she asked his mother to carry him back to the chair as he could barely walk.

He looked so sad. Too sad for a 7 year old. So I went over to talk to him. "What is your name?" "My name is Destiny". That was the most I could get out of him as he went back to fidgeting with his hands. So while I sat there feeling bad for him and wondering what I could say/do to make him feel better, the doctor asked his mother; "Why is he looking so sad?"
Turning to the boy she said "My dear, why are you sad? Do you want to eat?" That was the magic word. The transformation was instantaneous.
His face lit up like a 1000 watts bulb. His lips curved into a shy smile. And for the first time since his mother carried him into that consulting room, he looked up and said Yes, he wanted biscuit. It was the most heartwarming thing.
After a series of questions, the doctor was able to deduce that he wanted Caprisonne and Digestive biscuit. After which the doctor turned to his mother and said "I'm prescribing 2 packets of Digestive biscuit and Caprisonne for him stat"

When it was time to go, you won't believe that the child who could barely walk on his own, jumped up from the chair beaming and all ready to go. I was literally fighting back tears.
It didn't matter the amount or efficacy of the drugs the doctor prescribed, the healing process for that child started the instant the doctor cared enough to ask him why he was so sad. It could have been easy enough to assume he was sad because he was sick and in pain.

What is the moral of this my plenty story now you may ask? I don't know for now,. But it was the ultimate high point of my day. I really hope you can identify with it.
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