The Criteria For Death

My eyes hurt.

Driving in Nigeria, especially in Lagos, can be such a kill joy. It's a mixture of questionably sane drivers, bad roads and hellish traffic.

But if there is one thing Nigerian drivers fear on the road, it is driving besides or at the back of a trailer/tanker. I have a friend who literally freaks out if she's in a car that's too close to a trailer. Same with my mom, she stays as far away as possible from those things when she is driving. Safety reasons primarily.

So you can imagine my distress this morning when I read in the papers that a trailer fell off Ojuelegba bridge yesterday, crushing two cars and killing three people(an entire family)

First thing that came to my mind was "What the heck is a trailer doing driving on top of a bridge?" Never mind the fact that those innocent souls were nowhere near the trailer but somehow disaster managed to meet them still. Damn.

Which brings me to the peak of my frustration. Nigerians are too quick to say "Buhari this, Buhari that" yet we fail to realize that the problem of Nigeria is Nigerians. Obviously somebody should have been responsible for making sure that the container was latched properly to the trailer before putting it on the road. The driver shouldn't have been on that bridge in a very busy area for that matter. It took about 4hrs for the bodies to be recovered from under the trailer, speaks volumes of our piss poor emergency response system.

Please tell me is it Buhari that will come and supply us with common sense and a sense of responsibility? Aargh!

I don't know what the criteria for death is. But my prayer is that in these remaining few months of the year, we and our loved ones will never meet that criteria.

                 <<end of rant>>

My Lagos Chronicles

Edakun. Please can we address Nigerians and their false sense of modesty.

It's just about 7 in the morning and I'm sitting in the keke marwa waiting for other passengers to fill it up. An elderly woman gets in and I move over to the middle to make room for her. She is seated close to the door.

Not soon after, there comes this little boy with his mother to board the vehicle. Going by his looks the lad couldn't have been more than five years old, and you know how boisterous children in that age group can be.

So the little boy makes a miscalculated attempt to cross over the elderly woman's legs to get into the vehicle and he inadvertently steps on her.

She screams at him in Yoruba. Next thing I hear is 'Whack!' His mother slaps him hard across the face and is scolding him for being so careless.

The elderly woman now starts "pleading" with the mother to take it easy on the boy. All I can feel is pity for the now very much subdued youngster and can't help but wonder why an elderly person will make such a big deal out of an act that was obviously borne out of childhood exuberance.

I find it mildly amusing when I see a Nigerian mother who is world famous for panel beating her own children at home, come to the neighbors house to beg her to "take it easy" when she is panel beating her own children.

I could rant off a few more case scenarios but this akara will not eat itself.

A Crash Course In Male Etiquette

Good morning dear folk of the male specie. I have a very serious issue to discuss with you this fine morning before we go about our daily activities.

The first category of people I will like to address here today are the HUGGERS a.ka Current tappers.
Two words. Personal space.
Why is it that when you see your homeboys, you shake hands with them but you insist on hugging and pulling me in close when you see me?
Not cool sir, please stay in your lane.

Secondly, and possibly the worst of the bunch are the SMOOTH TALKERS(allegedly)
"Baby how are you doing", "Good morning beautiful" "Hello angel" 🌚
Young man, we don't know each other like that. Keep your sweet words to yourself.
And then those ones that have girlfriends/wives that go 'upandan' the cyber space confusing young girls with sweet words, the devil is soaking your cane inside kerosene.

Questions? Have a good day.
Class dismissed!

<<end of rant>>