Domestic Violence

Disclaimer: "If a marriage is dead, give it a decent burial".

Ronke Shonde.
The name that spurred a thousand and one think pieces on Facebook.
This month's poster child for domestic violence.
And another one bites the dust...

I mean what I say when I say that the highest form of psychological torture is staying married to a person you have to endure.
I shudder each time to think of the number of Nigerian women who 'exist' in abusive marriages simply because they are afraid of what society would say if they spoke out or left.

And boy! Society really does have plenty to say.
Your pastor tells you to pray and submit to your abusive husband. Afterall the church does not believe in divorce (or separation)
Your mother tells you not to do things to "trigger" his anger.
Facebook relationship pundits tell you to go and watch War Room.
The police don't have your back, the law isn't on your side either.

In a society where marriage is a status symbol and divorce is frowned upon, what you are is helpless/stuck/afraid.

I'm no authority on the subject of domestic abuse but I'd say this one thing, if you are in an abusive relationship(emotional, psychological or physical), my dear sister pack your load and find the nearest exit.

Save yourself. A little selfishness never hurt any body.
If that man maims or worse kills you, Facebook will rant about it for max one week and it would be on to the next sensational headline..
They would hold one minute silence in your honor, and even then some people will use fifteen seconds out of that one minute to cough and clear their throat.
The kids you were desperately holding onto your marriage for are going to be left in the care of relatives or God forbid your good for nothing husband(and his new wife)
You would become another statistic. Another cautionary tale.



End. Of. Rant.

Gender Equality and What Not

Disclaimer: This is not a feminist post.

There are few things I fear in this life, some even more than others. But there is one thing I really do dread, and that's being trapped in a marriage I have to endure.
Note that I didn't say loveless marriage. It stops my heart cold just thinking about it.

In the past couple of weeks I have had several occasions to speak with a couple of guys about my profession and the obscene amount of hours I spend at work. It was rather interesting to observe that none of them cared to ask what my plans for my career were or how I hoped to achieve the peak of my career.

Nosiree! Instead what I got asked was "So how will you be cooking for your husband if you spend this much time at work"? You know because afterall a woman's education ends in the kitchen, bent over a pot of soup.

One of them went as far as saying how dissapointed he was in me because I said I wouldn't put my career on hold so my husband can pursue his.
Of course I said that to get a rise out of him but why does the woman always have to make the most sacrifice/compromise in a marriage? What stops both of us from pursuing our careers?

Then when they see you are making sense with your arguments, they try to whack you over the head with the portion of Scripture about submission, role reversal and Armageddon.

Or maybe the real issue here is that I need to re evaluate the breed of men I interact with.

        <<end of rant>>

The Christian Doctor

In simple terms, a Doctor is one who cares for a sick person-though the medical dictionary give a detailed explanation of a medical doctor. I am not going to use that because, we all use the simple terms in our everyday lives.

Some may wonder why this is titled, 'The Christian Doctor.'

Generally doctors do a lot of things especially in the medical field.  I'd say they do the following:

1) They are Entertainers: It's not the kind are thinking about right now. They are "known to extend hospitality towards others." Thus, they always meet people from the low and high ranks of life.

2) They are Listeners: At least for one person, a doctor has 20 minutes to listen to what they have to say. They also hear sounds through a technique called Auscultation.

3) They use their Hands: They use their hands to touch, feel, hold, palpate and percuss.

4) They use their Eyes: They are observers. A good eye sight is essential to a doctor.

5) They use their Mouth: They tell you a summary of what they see, think, feel and know.

It would be interesting to say they have got five special senses at work, of course it is not extraordinary to any man; however my story is just beginning!

Now let's go back to why it's  titled a 'Christian Doctor' - some may stop reading from here because it is pointless for them to see that Christianity is involved in Medicine; afterall what has Christ got to do with being a Doctor? Or  what has being a Christian got to do with being a Doctor?  Oh dear friend, I am not here to preach a  sermon.


Entertainer: A Doctor is a receptive and friendly person. Have you met an unfriendly doctor?  I bet you won't let him/her treat you. Generally, everyone is comfortable with a  friendly person, they take you for a  friend and not a foe.

How is your reception to others? Are they comfortable around you? Aspiring, in progress or already a doctor -are you friendly to people? How do you react when you meet people for the first time? Do they feel relaxed or tensed? Do they take you as a friend?  How do patients feel when you attend to them?

Are you receptive to the Holy Spirit? Do you allow Him working with you? Do you always grief Him or you don't even remember to invite Him for ward rounds or outpatient consultation?
As a Christian Doctor, you cannot function properly in your medical field without the help of the Holy Spirt.


Listener:  I can tell you the best listener in my life is God. My biological father is also a good listener, I admire his patience with my talkativeness. A doctor is meant to be a good listener. If you are patient, you will be good at listening and will be attention even to  the unspoken words of your patients.

Have you met a Dr. that does most of the talking; his patients aren't really comfortable with him/her. The patients will always feel left out and sometimes seek help elsewhere. People around this doctor  may feel intimidated because they never get to share their opinions. This extends to working with team mates and other professionals. Do you listen when people talk? How well do you listen? Sometimes we miss a point in a case history because we never pay attention or we just talked too much.

I know that old people or talkative patients tell so much stories, but you just have to be patient.

Dear Dr. are you listening to the Holy Spirit? A consultation could take a different dimension with the direction of God just to save a soul.  Don't be drained by the external noise. Ask God for ears that will be attentive to His Words.


 Hands: Doctors will think about palpation when I speak of hands. I have got a different rhema for hands as a doctor.  Now gifted hands don't just touch! Many things happen when you touch someone-they feel and there's power in touching somebody. They say children that are "cuddled"are not  as anxious as those that aren't. Touch signifies acceptance in some cases.

As a child of God, your hands are blessed. They are gifted. Healing takes place when you touch, not because you are the best but because Christ lives in you. Ever wondered why Jesus most times touched those He healed? The power of the Holy Spirit works through us as Christians. Your hands are gifted....use them well.


Eyes: Observation! Great Observers! It is not only a psyche that tells you five things about yourself before you sit down. A doctor can observe your entire being while you sit with him/her. I hail the Psychologists and Psychiatrists for their jobs, they are sensitive to people. Surgeons need good eyes to see properly. Aspiring, in progress or already a surgeons, please don't forget to ask for good eyes.

When you observe, don't jump into conclusions. Sometimes it is not what you see that's always right; sometimes you need an inner eye to see beyond the surface. Don't judge a book by its cover.

What do you see as a Christian Doctor when a patient comes to you? Do you see a lost and hopeless being or someone who is a potential citizen of heaven? Do you see hope or you see fear? How you approach someone matters a lot. Do you see a woman who needs counselling and guidance? Do you see a need?


Mouth: Talking, asking questions and making diagnosis. Be careful what you say with your mouth. How you tell a diagnosis to a patient matters. I have seen patients go crazy over how a doctor speaks with them. You may be rash or gentle; if you cannot  put it in a less devastating way- Ask God to help you.

Ever heard of whispered prayers- a prayer said infront of a patient under your breath can save a situation.
Before you say anything that will cost your whole being-say a prayer.

Prayer is the key! Don't forget to be prayerful as a Doctor. A complicated delivery of a child, say a prayer.

We do not have hopeless situations as Christian doctors, we do not look at the things which are seen; but the things which are not seen. Yes the patient is likely to pass on, but to what part of eternity? The words you speak during the last hours of the patient can save a soul from eternal condemnation.


Medicine is a marvellous profession and calling. Sometimes it is the extraordinary things you do that makes you a great doctor. You cannot get that anywhere except with God.
Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge the Lord!

Make use of what the Lord has given you.

Yours truly,
The Village Doctor
~drweyoms