Teacher Appreciation

Disclaimer: Gender equality is when as a woman I'm allowed to seat in the front row during services/meetings never mind that my hot legs might distract the faithful brothers/husbands. No?
 I mean you don't see me running commentary every time I notice your bulge. Please shift.

I remember the very first time I wrote something I was proud of . It was my first year of senior secondary school and my English teacher, Mrs Akpojewa had given the class an essay topic as a take home assignment.
When she was done grading the assignment, she asked me to read my essay out loud to the whole class. Apparently it was that good.
Half the entire class was convinced that my mother had written the essay for me (she was an English teacher at the time).
I couldn't be bothered really, I was just so excited that someone found my writing commendable.
I rode on that high for weeks and it did wonders for my confidence levels.
Conversely in my final year in junior secondary school, I had this particularly interesting Introductory Technology teacher. Her style was that if you messed up in class, you got whacked on the head or hands with a wooden T square. I was her usual victim because, wear glasses Esther will not wear and so all my drawings were always off.
She was the one who nicknamed me "Unfortunate European"
She scared me so much so that by the time JSSCE came around, I was very sure that I wasn't going to do Intro Tech in my SS1 because she was the one teaching the class as well. Bye bye Civil Engineering dreams. Sorry Dad.

Today I remember and appreciate all my teachers, who in their own way, unbeknownst to them, have influenced me and left lasting impressions in my life that have extended beyond the four walls of a classroom. You are the real MVP's, our unsung heroes. God bless you for your commitment to shaping our future.

Mbok permit me to dish out some unsolicited advice to those of you going for NYSC in October. If you find yourself posted to a school, please do me a favor and capitalize on the opportunity to make a difference in the younger generation. Give it your best.
And if you were one of those students who gave teachers hell in school....abeg my ink don finish.

Scripture Challenge: Keep Calm

Day 8 of #ScriptureChallenge

I said, “I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, While the wicked are before me.” I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good; And my sorrow was stirred up. My heart was hot within me; While I was musing, the fire burned.
Then I spoke with my tongue: “ Lord , make me to know my end, And what is the measure of my days, That I may know how frail I am.
Psalms 39:1-4 NKJV

Over the past week I've been watching with growing angst as people have come online to post dissertations and counter dissertations on the merits and demerits of church doctrine(tithing & marriage to be precise).
Lord knows I was this close on calling some people out here on Facebook but I saw something on Heather Lindsey's page that made me have a rethink.
"Lord teach us to war on our knees and not on social media."
Not everytime Facebook militant, sometimes keep calm and weigh your words.
Isn't it interesting that with all that was going on around him, when it was finally time to speak the only person he was interested in talking to was God.
It is not for nothing they say that silence is golden. Abeg who no like gold?

Remain blessed.

Scripture Challenge: Don't skip the process

Day 10 of #ScriptureChallenge

My Dad thinks I spend an inordinate amount of time braiding my hair. He's not entirely wrong, I really do have a head full of hair. Hmm...I wonder who I inherited that from.

Now the news in full...
I was just musing to myself the other day (apparently I have too much free time on my hands these days) on the hazardous situations  females face when braiding their hair. You know that part where we have to dip our braids into steaming hot water while trusting that our hair stylist would not accidentally empty the hot water on us. Very risky something.

You see, the hot water serves to make the braids more flexible and to give it a more polished and refined look.

In the same vein, at certain times in our lives God will also "dip us into hot water" in order to produce a more refined you.
Romans 5:3-5 says
.... we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

Don't skip the process..

Standards

Anyone who knows my old man knows he is a "Safety first" conscious type of person.
So you can imagine his agitation  the first time he tried using public transportation to get around on his own in Port Harcourt.
The story goes that he boarded a commercial bus and sat in front with the driver. Then he started looking for the seat belt to put on(of course there was none).
Then apparently at the next bus stop he boarded a taxi this time and balanced in the front seat, only to be told "Oga na two passengers we dey carry for front"
Needless to say he was the only passenger that rode in front and we all had a good laugh out of it in the end.

Now the news in full.
You speak good English, they say you're doing oversabi grammarian.
You speak with an accent, they say you're forming "fone"
You want to eat garri&soup with fork&knife? E be like say you no get home training.
You school abroad, they say it's because your parents have plenty money.
You come back home acting all shiny and polished, they say you're carrying shoulder up cos you went abroad.
You ask for simple courtesy & respect in your relationship, they label you an angry feminist.
Ngwanu you say you cannot marry a man who doesn't work in Chevron, they tag you a "materialistic gold digger"

Excuse you?
Who standards don epp?
God forbid that you have high expectations in this Nigeria sef.
You want to shame me on top of it.
Oya all of you should come and be going.

P.S my old man still rides shotgun anytime he's using public transportation and best believe if there's a seatbelt, he's wearing that too.

             <<end of rant>>

Abusive Relationships

There are two kinds of house guests; the ones who take off their shoes at the door and the ones who don't have the fear of God in them.

On today's episode of "Stories that touch the heart and inflame the liver"

These days being in a Whatsapp group is akin to being in an abusive relationship.
Because there is no logical explanation as to why one group chat will generate 400 notifications in less than 2 hours because a group of people have decided to turn the chat room into their beer parlor.

The one wey dey pain me pass be say all the photos/videos generated from the group now get saved in my gallery.
As if it's not enough that you are draining my battery😬

Who mute button don epp? (I really need to stop saying this "don epp" thing)
This is not the change we voted for(which is why 80% of the group chatter consists of tales of woe of the APC led administration. Just mention "Buhari" and all decorum goes out the window)

The worst part is, I can't leave.
Do you guys think I need couples therapy ?

If I Were A Boy

Disclaimer: The following post is heavily stereotyped. Any non resemblance to persons living or dead is not a cause for alarm.

On today's episode of "If I were a boy..."

"Who removed my XYZ from where I kept it!?"
This was usually the headline of any quarrel we had, my Dad & I.
My father's voice would boom from his room as he made his way angrily down the corridor while I scampered past him to go and find whatever object he was looking for as I was the usual suspect.
It never mattered how meticulous my Dad was at keeping his things, I  was always moving things around in his room/study because nothing was ever neat enough or arranged well enough for me. Chalk it up to my borderline OCD.

It took me awhile but I learnt eventually that if a man keeps something someplace, even if he goes for 100 years and comes back, he will still know where to find that thing even in the dark(except a woman has moved it of course😃)

** Another thing that fascinates me about men is how practical they can be. If a man wants to buy a blue shirt with yellow buttons, he simply walks into a store, picks a blue shirt with yellow buttons, pays for it and leaves. I know right?! Easy peasy!

** A (good) man is not a tattletale.

** I always admire how men find it easy to get along with each other irrespective of age or social strata especially when it comes to discussing football and politics.
But the one for which men will always have my respect is their maturity in handling conflicts. I have watched men have arguments so heated that I feared for their friendships. But no matter the disagreement, it's nothing that cannot be resolved over a bottle of beer. At the end of the day, its all bants. Hats off to you guys.

** You know how the right amount of alcohol can make any girl look beautiful? Just the right amount of intelligence/wit can make any man look sexy. Argue with the exchange rate.

** And let's face it, your unique ability to pee by the side of the road is err.....

        <<end of rant>>

Patient Participation In Health Care

Disclaimer: "If they don't watch Zee world and Telemundo in your house, you don't know what the Lord has done for you."

On today's episode of "Study medicine they said, it'd be fun they said..."

During my labour ward rotation, one of the routine questions I got to ask the women I encountered
was if they were aware of or had ever done a Pap smear. 99.99% of the time, I usually received answers in the negative.
But perharps what was most interesting to me was that none of these women ever paused to ask me what a Pap smear was.
Like aren't you even the least bit curious aunty ?

Or the time I asked a grown ass woman what drugs she was allergic to, and her response was that she doesn't know the name of the drugs that it's only her husband that knows because he's a pharmacist. Hian!
Some of you don't even know the names of the drugs you are taking talk less of why.
It's not good o!

As a patient, it is imperative that you participate actively in the decision making process with regards to your health.
It is your duty, what am I saying sef? It is your right to be well informed about your health condition, the treatment options available, costs, benefits and consequences associated with the proposed treatment plan. All these should  be explained to you by your health care provider(yes, this includes the chemist and nurses in your local pharmacy). We are all accountable to and for you.
It has been shown to improve health outcomes.

Note to self: Sometimes I get irritated and on the defensive when a patient starts questioning the line of treatment but it ought not to be so.

Keep personal health records. They could come in handy someday.
When in doubt, you're at liberty to seek a second and even a third professional opinion.
Finally, please don't confuse your Google search with my medical degree.

   Class dismissed.

Product Reviews, Star ratings and the Nigerian factor

Fun Fact: Dear Nigerian driver, did you know that you can allow another driver to enter your lane in traffic, it doesn't mean that he has overtaken your destiny.

On today's episode of "I cannot kill myself and come and die."

I hate shopping online on Nigerian websites for one reason only. There are hardly any customer product reviews or star ratings to work with.
Product reviews is a system that helps potential buyers make an informed decision about the product they wish to purchase.
These reviews are basically evaluation/feedback left by customers who have purchased (and used) the product before, usually in the form of comments and star ratings. Reviews can be positive or negative.

It's a win win situation; for the seller because good reviews help improve their rankings and drive sales upwards, and for the buyer because it helps you know what you're getting yourself into.
On the overall it increases trust between both parties.

I live for online reviews. I review everything from the series I watch down to the apps I download.
I can get stuck rummaging through online reviews just so I can be thoroughly informed on what I intend to purchase.

So let me tell you guys about this wonderful site I happened upon earlier this year Hotels.ng. They are an online hotel booking agency in Nigeria. Their service was impeccable with very professional staff. And their prices are unbelievable! Tell a friend to tell a friend, Oyibo Pepper said so.

And that my dear children is how you leave a review.

Fremdschämen: The Curse Of Second Hand Embarrasment

Fremdschämen: the process of being vicariously embarrassed by another’s actions.

As if being weird is not enough, I suffer from a severe case of what Oyibo people call Second hand embarrassment.
In other words, I feel embarrassed on behalf of other people. I can't bear to watch people in embarrassing situations, even on TV shows!
You'd literally see me cringing in my seat and covering my face on days when the choir can't decide which key they want to stay on.

Or like the time I was having lunch at Eka Udoh and this guy comes to share my table. Five minutes later he says to me "Your watch is fine". To which I reply with a knowing smile  "Ah yes, thank you".
And that was it o. Awkward silence. Game over. Dude!!

Or how about those poor souls that crack jokes and have to laugh at their own jokes because nobody gets it.

It's the same way I feel about people who don't get sarcasm or innuendos.
Cuts me deep to my soul. Nobody deserves that.

**Eka Udoh is a popular joint in Akwa Ibom State.