We Can't All Be Feminists

"We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller.
We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, pretend that you are not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him."  -Chimamanda Adichie

Do men (yes I am generalizing) feel threatened by successful/powerful women?

These 21st century men claim that they like a girl who is smart, intellectual and can hold an intelligent conversation because according to them they don't want to marry a liability.

But ask him if he would be comfortable if his wife ends up making more money than he does or is career driven?
Till this day I've not gotten the response "It doesn't matter"

I've heard all the excuses men have to give about why it is not "acceptable" for a woman to earn more money than her man, but perhaps the most ludicrous of them all is that, successful women are proud and feel entitled.
And with good reason I dare say!

"A really strong man wants a woman who is equal to him, that is the truth of it now. A weak man wants someone that is docile and a servant to him — it is a real sign of insecurity in a man to want a brainless trophy wife. Wives can be beautiful, intelligent and have careers and opinions just as strong as their partners." - Dr. Juan

So men, I ask you again, what is it that you guys really want, a doormat, baby making factory, trophy wife or a successful woman?

Don't poop where you eat

Disclaimer: I'm extremely bored, amongst other things,  Read @ your own risk.

If you graduated from a federal university in Nigeria, you are already a champion in your own right.
If you graduated from a federal university in Nigeria and you stayed in school hostel, my dear you are a living legend.

I remember my first day of Uni, my mom dropped me off at Female Hostel Hall 9 at the University of Calabar. She was so proud that I was going to be a Malabress as she too had once been. The hostel was in disarray as most of the students hadn't returned from the break so I had to "squat" with someone who later turned out to be a very good friend/school mother down the road ☺️😍

I digress.  *proceed with caution*

The toilets/bathrooms in Hall 9 are 😷😷💩😩 disgusting! I'm having PTSD just thinking about them.
Ok I think the toilets were way worse than the bathrooms, because nobody actually used the toilets. Yes o! Not unless you wanted a million evil spirits to park inside you while you were doing your business in the White House. Believe you me, there was nothing remotely white about that house.

So as part of my unofficial orientation, I was told/advised to buy a plastic bucket with a cover, so anytime nature called, I'd answer the call in my room(or on the corridor as I saw some girls do), and then stroll majestically to the "toilet area", stand at the door(you must never step foot inside) and fling the contents of your bucket as far as they can go into the pitch darkness, turn around and leave. I always felt sorry for the cleaners that worked there.

The phrase "don't shit where you eat" obviously didn't apply to us.
I got over the shock very quickly, my parents had expressly warned  me not to call home (Backstory: in JSS3, I stayed in boarding house for one week and called my parents begging them to come take me back. Those seniors eh!)

At night I'd come out to get dinner and the front of the hostel will be lined with "posh" cars, men who had come to see their lady friends. I will just laugh inside me and think "if only he knew where she did.....oh never mind! I shall proceed to see myself out! Bye now!

Everyday is for the thief

It's been a long time coming and I've all but physically restrained myself from ranting on this issue but that ship has sailed.
Can we please talk about plagiarism as it pertains to Nigerians?


Just yesterday, I was searching for a news story online in order to verify its authenticity and I discovered that all of the blogs I visited that carried the story said the same thing word for word. It was just about one or two blogs that bothered to quote the source of their story, which was I this case Tribune newspaper.
In short eh, these Nigerian bloggers have no fear of God in them. They would plagiarize any and every thing if it would mean their blog gets more hits. Remember the Linda Ikeji saga. 


Then we have the "copy and paste" people on Facebook. These ones their stock in trade is to kidnap other people's status messages and pass them off as their own, without even bothering to acknowledge the source. It is mildly amusing when I see a status message on somebody's wall (that I know they didn't author) and then people will comment under it with things like "You are really a lovely writer" and the person will have the effrontery  to reply "Thank you *insert smiley or kiss emoticon*"
Na wa.


The one that simply astounds me are lecture slides. One lecturer  can just decide to sit down and regurgitate Wikipedia or Medscape as a PowerPoint presentation without even bothering to quote references.
P.S hope y'all know that Wikipedia information cannot be 100% relied upon. I mean basically anybody can stroll into a Wiki page and edit something. I know I have.




Back to the matter. 
"Plagiarism is the "wrongful appropriation" and "stealing and publication" of another author's "language, thoughts, ideas, or expressions" and the representation of them as one's own original work. It is an act of fraud"


To whom the cap fits, let him wear it. Consider yourself warned.

Sponsio Academica

For the past three months I've attended intensive lectures that were meant 
to prepare me for my medical assessment exam in October but none as powerful/spell binding/intriguing as the lecture delivered today at the swearing in ceremony(aka Sponsio academia) held for foreign trained medical/dental graduates.

The lecture titled "Life as a house officer; what a doctor needs to know" was delivered by Prof. E.J.C Nwana, a seasoned pathologist and very well spoken.

The prof spoke from the heart. He bemoaned the current state of the health sector where "lawlessness" is the order of the day: medical professionals going on strike, caring more about personal gain and status, malpractice etcetera. He reiterated that being a doctor is not a "get rich quick" scheme, as a matter of fact, doctors make just about enough money to pay their bills and nothing more.

He admonished us to make our patients the centre of our practice, giving them nothing but the best care as is within our power.

One thing he said which struck a chord within me was "The medical profession must remain an oasis of sanity in a desert of disappearing 

values in this country"

Things I Wish I Knew Before Med School

Disclaimer: If you are thinking of going to medical school or if you know anyone who has lofty ideas of doing so.... Think again!

There's a meme on the internet that reads, "In a Nigerian family you can only be a 1) Doctor 2) Engineer 3)Lawyer 4) A disgrace to the family.

In other words, everyone expects you to either be a doctor, lawyer or engineer; anything other than that, na you sabi.

So once you are in science class in senior secondary school, it is automatic ally assumed that you plan to become a doctor or worse case scenario, a dentist. Nobody really talks to the younger ones about what it entails or what to prepare for.

Here are some things I wish someone had told me before I decided to study medicine. 

1) You never graduate from medical school. Not really. If you want to make any headway in the medical field, best be prepared to study your ass off till you are grey.

2) Do not, I repeat, DO NOT study medicine in any country that they don't speak English. Unless you plan on learning the language extensively. How else would you communicate with the patients which is the most vital part of your field?

3) For those who plan to study abroad and come back to Nigeria, allow me to establish a timeline for you:

- graduation after 6 years of blood/sweat. Yay!

- write licensing exams to practice in Nigeria after 3 months of lectures at a designated Nigerian university

- apply for house job for a year. And by apply I mean, you still have to write exams or do an interview to get the job. You must get a job within this one year or else your temporary license expires and you have to sit for the exams again. And as we all know, this is Nigeria.

- go for one year of NYSC 

- apply to become a resident doctor. At this stage anything you want to do is up to you, depends on your career path. If you want to specialize, of course there are series of exams for that. Everyone is doing public health these days. Don't get me started on USMILE/PLAB. 

4) The Nigerian medical system is designed to steal your joy. Don't let them. In the words of a colleague of mine " If you raise your head , they will clip your wings, feathers, tails, head and basically bury you, one piece at a time" 🙆🏼🌚😕👹

Oh I don't mean to sound cynical. Medicine is great. Being a doctor commands respect, it has the potential to increase your bride price and sell your market exponentially. If you plan on getting rich quick tho, you might wanna reconsider or try your hands on other things.

Which reminds me, just about most of the medical students/doctors I know have avid interests  in music, writing, business and fashion which they actively pursue.

In my next life would I become a doctor again? 

God's Stellar Record

“He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark‬ ‭4:40‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The words from the passage jumped out at me. "Do you STILL have no faith?" STILL.....

In that moment I could imagine the frustration with his disciples, how can you imagine that you will drown with Jesus in your boat?

It took me a second to realize he was actually asking me, "after all this time, after all the ways I've proven myself to you, do you STILL not trust me completely"? In that moment I felt so ashamed.

I'm the type of person that likes to plan my day to a T. If I'm doing something or going somewhere, I like to know the when,what,how and where in explicit details. So I get a bit nervous when I don't know what's going to happen along the line or about things/situations I can't plan or control. So I worry.

I'm a worry wart. I worry when things don't go my way. I worry that they wouldn't. I worry about the future. I worry about worrying. And sometimes that worrying tends to translate into fear, which sometimes translates into panic.

The most recent being my board exams. It got to a point I realized I never had any positive thing to say when anyone asked me how it was going. All I did was whine and complain about how things didn't pan out as I expected. I remember on one occasion I was talking to my aunt about the exam and she said something that really struck me. She said "Records show that God has never failed you..." True words. So why was I STILL afraid? It was a big reality check for me.

And just as if to confirm his word, the very next day, a colleague of mine walked up to me in class and said "Don't worry, you will pass, I already see us in Abuja." And he walked away. I was a bit taken aback because he said it with such calm and conviction, almost like he perceived the conflicts going on in my mind.

After that day, an unusual peace washed over me, I can't explain it. And God kept to his word.

Dear person reading this, Records show that God is faithful, he has never failed you, you will make it again and again by his grace. He will be faithful to the end.

God bless you.

Netflix and Chill

"If a girl is alone with a guy in his room and he starts touching her intimately and she tells him to stop, and he stops, is the guy a  mumu (stupid)?"

That was the question a male colleague asked during a class discussion which he expected all the females to answer.

I recall being in a foul mood that day and on hearing the question I thought to myself "What in the hell kinda stupid question is that?! Surely he can't be serious? If not anything, that guy is a perfect gentleman"

Be that as it may, it was a legitimate/valid question, and it stirs troubling thoughts. Let me explain. Recently a slang has been making popular rounds on the Internet: "Netflix and Chill". Apparently it's supposed to be some sort of code for "come over to my house lets have sex, under the pretext of watching a movie" Sound familiar?

It's a play that guys have been using to prey on unsuspecting females for a long time, they just found a more fancy name for it. 

A guy invites a girl to his house to watch a movie and maybe gist with him or cook for him as the case may be. As per "let's hangout"  Alright so excited and eager to please female comes to his house with the intention of doing just and only that. Next thing you know he's touching her in places she is not comfortable with(behind close doors of cos because as we all know, that's only how cowards operate) Confused, scared or annoyed female tries to resist his advances and he gets defensive saying "Afterall is it not what you came here for" *insert flabbergasted emoji* 

Worse case scenario, he drugs her drink and has his way with her.

There seems to be some sort of unwritten code that if a girl comes to a guy's house unaccompanied, she is literally asking, in short, begging the guy to sleep with her, whether she actually says so or not. Says who? Were you raised by wild animals or what?

Young man, if she says stop touching me, I don't like it. Stop! 

Even if she is wearing the lowest cleavage and the tightest skirt, No actually means No! It is not a code word for "Please continue"

Anything after that is Rape. Don't allow the devil to use you.

It's all well and good to teach our females to carry themselves a certain way so that they can "find a good husband". But who is teaching our men to do the same?

The Criteria For Death

My eyes hurt.

Driving in Nigeria, especially in Lagos, can be such a kill joy. It's a mixture of questionably sane drivers, bad roads and hellish traffic.

But if there is one thing Nigerian drivers fear on the road, it is driving besides or at the back of a trailer/tanker. I have a friend who literally freaks out if she's in a car that's too close to a trailer. Same with my mom, she stays as far away as possible from those things when she is driving. Safety reasons primarily.

So you can imagine my distress this morning when I read in the papers that a trailer fell off Ojuelegba bridge yesterday, crushing two cars and killing three people(an entire family)

First thing that came to my mind was "What the heck is a trailer doing driving on top of a bridge?" Never mind the fact that those innocent souls were nowhere near the trailer but somehow disaster managed to meet them still. Damn.

Which brings me to the peak of my frustration. Nigerians are too quick to say "Buhari this, Buhari that" yet we fail to realize that the problem of Nigeria is Nigerians. Obviously somebody should have been responsible for making sure that the container was latched properly to the trailer before putting it on the road. The driver shouldn't have been on that bridge in a very busy area for that matter. It took about 4hrs for the bodies to be recovered from under the trailer, speaks volumes of our piss poor emergency response system.

Please tell me is it Buhari that will come and supply us with common sense and a sense of responsibility? Aargh!

I don't know what the criteria for death is. But my prayer is that in these remaining few months of the year, we and our loved ones will never meet that criteria.

                 <<end of rant>>

My Lagos Chronicles

Edakun. Please can we address Nigerians and their false sense of modesty.

It's just about 7 in the morning and I'm sitting in the keke marwa waiting for other passengers to fill it up. An elderly woman gets in and I move over to the middle to make room for her. She is seated close to the door.

Not soon after, there comes this little boy with his mother to board the vehicle. Going by his looks the lad couldn't have been more than five years old, and you know how boisterous children in that age group can be.

So the little boy makes a miscalculated attempt to cross over the elderly woman's legs to get into the vehicle and he inadvertently steps on her.

She screams at him in Yoruba. Next thing I hear is 'Whack!' His mother slaps him hard across the face and is scolding him for being so careless.

The elderly woman now starts "pleading" with the mother to take it easy on the boy. All I can feel is pity for the now very much subdued youngster and can't help but wonder why an elderly person will make such a big deal out of an act that was obviously borne out of childhood exuberance.

I find it mildly amusing when I see a Nigerian mother who is world famous for panel beating her own children at home, come to the neighbors house to beg her to "take it easy" when she is panel beating her own children.

I could rant off a few more case scenarios but this akara will not eat itself.

A Crash Course In Male Etiquette

Good morning dear folk of the male specie. I have a very serious issue to discuss with you this fine morning before we go about our daily activities.

The first category of people I will like to address here today are the HUGGERS a.ka Current tappers.
Two words. Personal space.
Why is it that when you see your homeboys, you shake hands with them but you insist on hugging and pulling me in close when you see me?
Not cool sir, please stay in your lane.

Secondly, and possibly the worst of the bunch are the SMOOTH TALKERS(allegedly)
"Baby how are you doing", "Good morning beautiful" "Hello angel" 🌚
Young man, we don't know each other like that. Keep your sweet words to yourself.
And then those ones that have girlfriends/wives that go 'upandan' the cyber space confusing young girls with sweet words, the devil is soaking your cane inside kerosene.

Questions? Have a good day.
Class dismissed!

<<end of rant>>

C.R.A.M.P.S

Mittelschmerz

"Oh God no! Surely it can't be!"

 She reaches for her iPad and opens her fertility calendar app.

The highlighted green icon on the calendar confirms what her body has been trying to tell her all day, she has started ovulating.

Which could only mean one thing, her period was approximately 14 days away.

*activate survival mode*

PMS

The next 14 days are crucial for her. She crosses off things on her must/to do list:

- Buy the strongest pain killers at the pharmacy 

- Pray her period doesn't come on a weekday

- Avoid wearing white clothes 

- Avoid sweet things 

- Mood swings. Bloating. Acne. Temperature. Tenderness. Constipation. Nausea.

- Pray for the soul of anyone who gets on her nerves.

- Cramps. Urgh

Dysmenorrhea 

The red robots are here to mess up my day.....

She curls up in a fetal position on the bed, cradling a hot water bottle beneath her.

Nothing provides relief. She must suffer in silence for the next 24/48hours. Nobody understands her pain. 

The topic of a woman on her period has always been a hush hush thing. Even the idea of bringing it up is subconsciously frowned upon. In ancient times, a woman on her period was considered unclean.

Even you reading this now are a bit uncomfortable.

Oh well.

In my humble expert opinion, between labour pains and a very bad tooth ache, menstrual cramps are the absolute worst. 

Basically, it's like your uterus is trying to kill you.

I've once had cramps so bad I literally prayed for death to come.

Every girl tends to think she's got it bad until she meets another girl whose cramp episodes are just brutal. Kai! We should have a support group or something.

To be honest I can't seem to remember where I was going with this post.

Oh and ladies, while we are still on the matter, you can use any of the following very useful apps (Ladytimer or MyCalendar) to keep track of your cycle.

      <<end of monologue>>

Little Drops Of Water (Medicine at it's finest)

 Practicing medicine in Nigeria can be a real downer especially as you come across care givers/health care professionals who have lost their passion and the compassion (sympathy/empathy) needed for medicine because the system is broken. But just last summer I had an encounter with a lovely doctor which reminded me that in my future practice, I must not lose sight of what's important.....

Highlight of my day? The instant smile on the face of a sickly 7year old boy with HIV.

As he sat on the chair in the consultants office, beads of sweat poured down his frail looking frame. Shoulders hunched and head bowed, it looked like he was carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders. He was so thin you could make out the outline of his ribs. He didn't for once raise his head or speak up while the doctor examined him.

After the pediatrician was done examining him, she asked his mother to carry him back to the chair as he could barely walk.

He looked so sad. Too sad for a 7 year old. So I went over to talk to him. "What is your name?" "My name is Destiny". That was the most I could get out of him as he went back to fidgeting with his hands. So while I sat there feeling bad for him and wondering what I could say/do to make him feel better, the doctor asked his mother; "Why is he looking so sad?"
Turning to the boy she said "My dear, why are you sad? Do you want to eat?" That was the magic word. The transformation was instantaneous.
His face lit up like a 1000 watts bulb. His lips curved into a shy smile. And for the first time since his mother carried him into that consulting room, he looked up and said Yes, he wanted biscuit. It was the most heartwarming thing.
After a series of questions, the doctor was able to deduce that he wanted Caprisonne and Digestive biscuit. After which the doctor turned to his mother and said "I'm prescribing 2 packets of Digestive biscuit and Caprisonne for him stat"

When it was time to go, you won't believe that the child who could barely walk on his own, jumped up from the chair beaming and all ready to go. I was literally fighting back tears.
It didn't matter the amount or efficacy of the drugs the doctor prescribed, the healing process for that child started the instant the doctor cared enough to ask him why he was so sad. It could have been easy enough to assume he was sad because he was sick and in pain.

What is the moral of this my plenty story now you may ask? I don't know for now,. But it was the ultimate high point of my day. I really hope you can identify with it.
‪

Growing Up

Disclaimer: "Please be nice to the cleaners, security etc. Just greet. Can you imagine going to work every day and people acting like you don't exist?" - @siyanyezi

Greeting is perceived to be an important part of the African culture. For the sake of this conversation, let's narrow it down to Nigeria.
So in Nigeria, from childhood, we are taught to greet people (our elders especially) as this is a sign of respect. Big props to the Yoruba people on this one, they have made greeting an art form.
In churches and big occasions, you can instantly know who is the "big man" in such gatherings just by the way people greet him/her.
"Ah! Daddy G.O good afternoon sir *kneels down*. How is family sir?"

But then how much do we encourage our children to greet those people in society who we consider "beneath us" - the driver, the cleaner at work, the security guy at the door of the bank, the help?
Right from childhood, my parents drummed it into our heads that we had to greet everybody regardless of their social standing. Trust me it wasn't fun then.
So whenever we went out with my mom say to the market for example, we would be standing beside her sheepishly(or impatiently, depending on the day) waiting for her to conduct her business. Oh and God help you the market woman opens her mouth to address you before you had the chance to greet her "good morning ma", you were in for a tongue lashing that day.
See eh, you dare not mumble your greeting (as I often did being a shy child), my mom would turn around and ask if your mouth was paining you!
"I greeted her and she didn't hear me" or "She was too far away for me to greet her" was never an excuse for my mom.

I remember one of the advice my Dad gave me when I was leaving for the university was to cultivate the habit of greeting people especially the handy men/cleaners in my building.
It was weird initially at first because people on the street will be shocked when I greeted them and by the time they gathered their wits to respond, I would have already walked past them. To be honest, it served as a deterrent for a while.

It's funny how some of the things I rebelled against doing as a kid turn out to be the things I do now without prompting from my parents.
This is a gentle reminder to my future self as the mother of two lovely kids not to get frustrated when it seems like they are not paying  attention to anything I teach them.
After all, didn't the Good Book say, "Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is OLD he will not depart from it"

Keep calm, maturity and good sense would come in due time.

                          

Pet Peeves #1

So just the other day on my Whatsaap somebody typed "Thank you" and I responded with
 "Yw"( which is supposed to be the abbreviation for You're welcome)
I think I died a little inside that day. Esther, how could you??!

I'm still getting used to people typing "HBD, WULLNP" 😬 I mean! How lackadaisical can you be for gossakes? It just shows that you're not even trying.

In this era of smart phones and predictive texting, why will somebody text me "Gm. Hru. F9" (Good morning, how are you.Fine) and you expect Jesus to be happy with you.
The worst are those people who will omit one word from the sentence in the name of short hand e.g "Tank u" "Hw re u" 😳🌝🌚. Are the letters on your keypad quarreling?

My friend! Gerrarofhere for reals, you hear what I'm saying?
‪

End.Of.Rant

How To Get Away With Being A Feminist

Disclaimer: This post is steeped in conspiracy theories. Reader's discretion is advised.

Grey's Anatomy. How To Get Away With Murder. Scandal.
These three serials have one leading lady in common, Shonda Rhimes.

Shonda is a feminist through and through and she projects that passion into the female characters she casts in her serials. She has been very vocal about female empowerment. If you notice, most of the leading ladies on her shows portray single and very independent women who do not let their lives to be dictated or defined by any man, no matter how dreamy they are.

- Grey's Anatomy
It was mildly amusing on the internet the day Shonda killed off McDreamy's character. Fans of the show were so shocked/upset, they swore they'd stop watching the show. There's even a petition on the web to bring his character back. It's not that serious guys. LOL.
What was even more funny to me was the episode after his death, the show just moved on very quickly. Like they couldn't even be bothered to give Derek Shepherd a 'befitting burial'.
 It all made sense when I read that McDreamy was dropped from the show because he was having an affair with a married woman on set. Obviously Shonda wasn't having any of that nonsense. She capitalized on that opportunity to put Meredith front and centre of show.
Ladies, if your man can't keep it in his pants....drop him like a bad habit!.

If you notice most of the ladies on Grey's Anatomy don't have time for romance. They never let love or the idea of it override their good sense of judgement.

Meredith, Miranda & Torres all have children but are still very active surgeons. This is Shonda's way of telling us that you can have it both- kids & career. Which is a big contrast to African culture that suggests that a woman should sit down in the house and nurture the kids and cook meals because it is "her job"

Oh and then Cristina Yang ultimately channels Shonda's feminist nature when she tells Meredith: "You stay here. You are a gifted surgeon with an extraordinary mind. Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he’s not the sun. You are"

Scandal
Olivia Pope has the President of the free world wrapped around her little finger. Need I say more?
Some of you may have thought it was rather harsh and hypocritical of Fitz, the way he sent Mellie packing from the White House. But that was Shonda's plan all along. You see Mellie is aiming to be a senator and President of the U.S. in the future and Shonda doesn't want it to look like It was Fitz who helped make Mellie senator and eventually president. So basically now Mellie gets there on her own merit. See what Shonda does? Essentially, as a woman, you can be whoever you want to be without help from any man.
You most certainly don't need a man on your arm to feel accomplished.
Hehe! Have I started sounding cray cray yet?

How To Get Away With Murder
I remember watching a scene with Annalise Keating and her mom where she was braiding her hair while she was grieving her husband. Her mom told her a story how she burnt down their family house with her husband inside it because he sexually abused Annalise as a child. All the while, Annalise thought her mom never knew.
Yet again, what was Shonda trying to tell us? You don't need to stay with a man that abuses you(emotionally, physically) or your kids! Run away from abusive relationships. Learn to stand up for yourself as a woman.

Oh and did I mention that Shonda has two adopted children and one via surrogacy?
In African culture that if you opt to have CS instead of vaginal delivery, they would shame you for being "weak or selfish" talk less of paying someone else to carry your baby for you. LOL. Your in laws will not let you hear the end of it. It's even funny in the labor room when women decline epidural, cos somehow you are perceived as "not being woman enough" You must   endure the pain as if it proves or validates your status as a woman.
Let's not even talk about the women who don't wish to have kids.

You gotta love Shonda because she challenges every stereotype about women or what roles society perceives they should play.

"Lead the life you want to lead. Be whoever you want to be. Have the babies. Be the CEO. Lean out. Lean in -- on your own terms. Just run this thing because I don't want the girls wishing they could be men for a day. I don't even want men wishing they could be women. I just want those words '[having] all of that,' I want all of that to apply to all of us." - Shonda Rhimes

Learning Daily (featuring guest writer, Tobi Alabi)

As comfortable as that web of perfection may be, you don't want to be stuck sitting pretty. If you're a perfectionist like me, I'm sure you've had many business meetings with procrastination and even signed several contracts with him. You found out long before now that he's a terrible business partner that ends up duping you every time you engage with him, yet you can't seem to break that relationship.
I know, I've been there severally and what I've realized is that the perfectionist has the "start when it's all right" syndrome. You want everything to be right before you make that move because of course you can't stand mediocrity and want everything you do to be top-notch. Certainly nothing wrong with that, but the problem is when you decide to stay stuck. When you're stuck in that web of "everything has to be perfect first", you refuse to move and when you refuse to move you end up doing nothing and becoming nothing.

I have learnt that before you start, you'll never have all the money you need, all the resources, all the right people. But they will be made available once you move that gear from park to accelerate.
Life is a 24/7 hour school with no break periods. You'll always learn something new, get a new idea, a new strategy to tackle things. So don't wait till you have it all together, you never will. There will never be a time you know it all or a time you exceed your learning capacity, until of course you shut your eyes to final rest. I have also learnt that successful people are not necessarily the ones with all the knowledge in the world, but they are the ones who put what they learn to practical use.
Ever heard the saying, "little by little a little becomes a lot"?. Well it only becomes a lot when you decide to start putting in the little. A cup put under a tap will eventually get full with time even though the water comes out in drops.
"Good" becomes "better" before it becomes "best". The time is now, START and be willing to grow through it.

Baby Steps

Disclaimer: This is not a self righteous post.
OMG I'm becoming one of them!
I remember there was a time I used to silently judge some of my friends on Facebook who always posted "religious themed" status updates. Na only you waka come? Wow. Look at me now.

I remember there was a time I was so obsessed with rap music, Lil Wayne to be precise. I could sing all his (rather explicit) songs from A - Z.
If you know me well enough you'd know I love music and I learn songs very easily. I knew the lyrics to every song that frequently played on the radio.
Then my mum will ask me "Young lady, are you sure you are a Christian? How is it that the same mouth you used to sing gospel songs, you would still use to sing worldly music?" I would just laugh and continue listening to my portable radio in the kitchen.
I remember how my mum would come into my room in the morning and quarrel with me because I left my radio on to play all night filling my spirit with worldly music, as she put it. My own argument then was "But I'm asleep, how could that possibly happen?"
You see these days, I am quite shocked at myself cos when someone asks me "Oh you don't know Wizkid's or Drake's latest song?" And I'm just looking at them with a very puzzled expression.
There is no way you would have told the Esther of 2007 that the only songs she would have interest in listening to in 2015 are gospel themed songs.
This one might make no sense to you, but I used to be a Coca Cola addict. I could not go a week without drinking at least 1 liter of Cola. It still surprises me that now I can look at a bottle of Coke and not have the urge to drink it. Today I'm 2months sober. Baby steps.
Moral of this plenty grammar?
Sometimes I feel like my life is going nowhere and it tends to make me depressed and frustrated. Intermittently I lash out at God or simply just run/hide. You know what the beautiful thing is? He always seeks me out to restore me, patiently waiting to resume our relationship.
Then I began to see the "little things" and appreciate them. He made me realize that there is a process I have to go through before I get THERE and I have to trust him no matter how long the process is going to be. Whoa!
I'm not there yet but I know God is working tirelessly on me to attain perfection in Christ. Lord knows it's a daily struggle and I've faltered and at times lost my way but he hasn't given up on me. For this I am eternally grateful.
I thank God for my praying mother. I am thankful for growth no matter how small.
The ultimate goal is that one day He will look down on me and say; "This is my beloved daughter in whom I am well pleased"

Lagos Life: Diary Of A Mad Woman

It's the kind of thing you watch in the movies(Nigerian movies obviously) or hear on the news but you never for once imagine it will happen to you. And for a long time I have sort of repressed the memory of the events of that day because even as I write, I still somewhat find it hard to believe. In fact up until now, I've only ever told this story to two people.

During one of my brief layovers in Lagos before returning back to school after the summer break, I was asked to run an errand to the University Of Lagos.
Mind you this was my first time out on my own in Lagos and the only directions I knew was from Gbagada to UNILAG and back.

So on this fateful day I boarded a taxi at the junction with another passenger in the back seat. We drove a short distance and the taxi driver stopped by the road side to pick up a woman standing with a brown carton which was placed in the trunk of the car.
Soon after the woman( who was sitting in the front seat) started quarreling with the driver about the cab fare. Apparently she wanted to pay a lower amount. The driver who obviously didn't want any trouble stopped the car and told the woman to come down if she wasn't going to pay the standard fare.
The driver then stepped out of the taxi to open the boot for the woman so she could retrieve her carton.

Next thing I know the driver comes back inside the car with the woman in tow and we entered the road again.  I exchanged puzzled looks with the other passenger beside me.
The driver then turns to the woman in the front seat and asks "Madam wetn  u dey carry for carton?(what are you carrying in the carton?). If police catch us now, wetn you go talk?"
The woman, who is now very much subdued starts pleading with the driver, "Oga abeg help me...."

Ok I think I should explain a few things here cos I can tell you are already wondering. The woman had run away from her "Alhaji's house" who she claimed used her for prostitution and also forced her to sleep with dogs for money. According to her, there were other girls in the house like her.
And before she ran she stole a big carton of money which contained dollars from them. So it was this carton of money she was carrying when we picked her up.

Before I could say Jack Robinson, the driver and the male passenger beside me started negotiating with the woman how to split the money between all of us "for her own safety". The woman now explained to them that there was a charm which was put on the money by the Alhaji and so needs a pastor or spiritualist to break it before anyone can touch the money.

They started discussing between themselves where they will go to to break the charm. The driver then turn around to ask  me which church I attend and if my pastor is strong enough to break the charm, and if I was interested in splitting the money with them. To be honest, I was just there mute and oh so very confused. The funny thing was that all of them confessed to be Christians.

At this point so many thoughts were running through my mind like, "This has to be a joke right? Is this a setup? Where are the cameras? Oh God, so this is how I will be kidnapped and nobody will know where I am" Believe you me, I imagined every imaginable thing that day.
I didn't want to make any wrong move lest any harm come to me. Part of me was like "are you seriously considering taking part in this"?, and the other part of me was just very curious to see how it will end.

The other passenger beside me apparently knew a spiritualist who could break the charm so he gave  the driver directions to her place.
Like play like play they passed my bustop and we drove a very far distance, over an hour's journey to an area of Lagos that till this day I am not familiar with.

When we got to the street where the spiritualist lived, the car broke down. They started speculating that this was a "sign". So someone now suggested that when we get there, we should tell the spiritualist that we live together in the same compound and that in the morning we found a charm in the middle of the compound that we wanted her to break.

When we got to the house, a middle aged woman came out to greet us. The person we came to see was dead(her mother) and she was the new person in charge. She now asked us why we came and the driver started narrating the fictional story. Before he even finished talking, she got very upset and told us to get out of her premises that we were lying.

They started panicking and apologizing (I say "they" because in all this, I was very calm/mute, alarmingly so). After telling her the real story, she told us that she knows that our taxi broke down and that the lady should go and bring the money from the car where she kept it while we waited.

It was like an out of body experience for me. Like I was on the set of a badly scripted Nigerian movie.
The spiritualist started chanting and saying incantations and ringing her bell. She was of course dressed in white(she didn't disappoint there). She started asking each of us personal questions like names and stuff like that. When she got to me, I know I lied. Just to test her and see. She didn't realize a thing.
After all the theatrics, she concluded that in order to break the charm, each of us needed to bring all the money in our bank account to conduct a ritual, which was supposedly chicken fee compared to the thousands of dollars that we will each receive once the charm was broken.

But the highlight of this story is what I'm about to say next. She made us all agree, abi swear, that if any of us told anybody about what happened that day, that person will run mad or something bad like that. She also told us not to look back as were going no matter what. So we left the woman and the spiritualist with the carton of money and went on our way.
At this point, I just wanted to get out of there because a lot of time had elapsed and I was sure they were waiting for me at home with lots of questions.


As God will have it, I made it home safely. No I didn't go back to that place. And I always wonder how it ended for all of them. I'm sure if I met any of them on the street I won't recognize them.

Looking back I see it is God who protected me from my young and foolish self.
This is my testimony.

Conversation Killers

Disclaimer: Probably might regret posting this by tomorrow morning....

Nigerian: So can you speak the language?
Me: Not very well.
Nigerian: Ahn ahn! But you've been there for a long time. Then how do you communicate?
Me: Sign language
Nigerian: What do you people speak over there, is it Russian or Ukranian?
Me: Mostly Russian but in some cities they speak Ukranian
Nigerian: Oya say something in Russian let me hear 

Side note: It's not as if when I speak the Russian you'd understand what I'm saying or you can even tell I'm saying the right thing. But I politely oblige....

Me: *says something in Russian* как дела?
Nigerian: *tries to repeat what I've said* *laughs sheepishly* What does it mean?
Me: It means How are you?
Nigerian: Ok ok! So how do you say Good morning in Russian?
Me:*mentally shoots self*

 Maybe it's just me but everyone has a "background" story that somehow connects them to Ukraine. Case in point...
Nigerian: Which country do you school?
Me: Ukraine
Nigerian: Eheh! Do you know so and so person?
Me: *looking incredulous* No.....which city does he/she reside?
Nigerian: Errr....I don't really know but I know she studies in Ukraine. She is my former classmate.
Me: *calmly explains that there are many universities in different cities in Ukraine and I cannot be expected to know everyone.*
Nigerian: Ah ok, I thought all of you were in the same place.
Me: *restrains self from rolling eyes* *exhales*

Side Note:
There was this one time that somebody actually brought a photo of someone he knew in Ukraine to ask me if I knew the person. I'm just standing there like am I being punked or what?
Then everyone has an opinion about the "war"
Nigerian: Hei! You school in Ukraine? I heard Putin is dealing with you people there.
Me: *quizzical expression on my face*
Nigerian: I hope you are not near the place where they are fighting o
Me: No sir. The unrest is just in Donetsk and Lugansk. It's not widespread.
Nigerian: *now trying to form History student* Lugansk, that is in the south of Ukraine right?
Me: I don't know.

Then the ones that I find quite amusing
Nigerian: You're coming back next year abi?
Side Note: What the person really means to ask you is: "This medical school wey u dey go since, you no wan finish?!"
Soon my dear people. Real soon...
>><<

POINT AND KILL!

Disclaimer: "If you pray for all your enemies to die, then in whose presence will God prepare a table for you?"
Maybe it's my upbringing(and I'd probably get some flak over this) but it gets a little unsettling in church when I have to pray this "Die by fire! Fall down & die!" type of prayer. And you know we Africans, we have a lot of enemies.
But I'm very sure JESUS did not stutter when he said "love & pray for your enemies" Why? "So that you may be children of your Father in heaven"
Do you want to be(or consider yourself) a child of God? Then love&pray for your enemies.

I've heard some schools of thought that say "Afterall Jesus said we should pray FOR our enemies, he didn't give us the prayer topic". Interesting that he also said we should love them first, so pls tell me how can you pray evil for someone you are meant to love?
Let that marinate a little.
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5:44-48 NIV)
Happy New Month. Remain blessed.
<<end of rant>>

Double Standards

Disclaimer: This may or may not be the correct application of the term "double standards"...
Can we talk about double standards for a minute please?
"America is racist! Americans are racist!' YET you are the person who vehemently refused your (Ibo) son to marry a girl simply because she was Yoruba.
Hello kettle.
"We are all God's children! The church is s place for sinners! Come as you are!" YET you sent home that girl with the outrageous makeup/flamboyant hairdo/ridiculously short dress from Sunday service. I mean how dare she?!
"Politics is a dirty game! Politicians are corrupt! We need Change! YET you are the person who cheated on your last exam(or even paid for it sef), avoids paying taxes, bribed your way into getting a better NYSC posting or to get that juicy position(because you "know somebody") and there's not a single patriotic bone in your body. You know what they say, "corruption begins at home".
A guy is promiscuous: Achievement. A lady is promiscuous: Harlot! Ashawo! Wife material -100 yards. She cannot cook: -250yards She doesn't want children(hehe! I can't even)
Hello pot.
"Kim Kardashian is this! Kim K is that!" YET you are the person who shared the link of her nude pictures to all your friends on Whatsapp, you are the one addicted to "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"
If she is as bad as y'all make her out to be, how is it that y'all are helping make her even more famous ?! Making money off "zero talent" with a husband/beautiful daughter to show for it.
Take several seats please.

Ok I'm done.
<<end of rant>>

The Preachers Kid

It's probably a misplaced feeling but I usually feel slighted when I tell someone that I'm a preacher's kid and the person responds with "No wonder!" 😑
Oh and then those people that go about saying "Pastor pikin, na dem worse pass" just infuriate me to no end. Judgmental much?😬 Last time I checked, Christianity(or being born again) was not a genetic something.
The worst are the church members(no offense). It's like they are just watching and waiting for you to slip up. I mean God forbid you don't join the choir or any other church activity, one overzealous sister would call you aside on Sunday to "advice" you. They are everywhere, lurking on your Facebook and stalking your updates just so they can go and report their "findings" to your parents or bring you up as prayer topic.
Oh and let's not even talk about the pressure to follow in your parents footsteps and live up to expectation. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say "Remember your father is a pastor" 🙈

Chai, even to this day(at my age o!) anytime we go to church together, my mother(bless her heart) makes sure we sit in front of the church, if possible close to her sef 😅 She just signals us with her eye and you better fall in line. We are always the first to reach church(the Father is a stickler for punctuality) and the last to leave, so Sunday mornings in our house is like fire brigade.
I have no regrets being born into a Christian family or being a PK for that matter but Lord knows I most def wouldn't wanna be a pastor's wife(don't judge me)
And like a fellow preacher's kid so aptly stated; "The problem with being a preacher’s kid is that you can’t be a normal Christian"
<<end of rant>>

Much ado about forgiveness

Disclaimer: Nobody is perfect, most especially me.
Elton John once sang "Sorry seems to be the hardest word". I tend to disagree.
People seem to have this preconceived idea that saying "I'm sorry" is a magical eraser of some sorts that is supposed to make everything better between us.
Well its not. Color me cynical.
Which brings me to the term "Forgive and Forget". Is that even humanly possible?(the forget part I mean). I think it's just one of those things people say to sound "deep". Easier said than done if you ask me.
In the words of C.S Lewis, "Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive."
"Forgive and Let go" sounds much more realistic, don't you think?
You know that part of the Lord's Prayer that says: 'And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors'. (Matthew 6:12 KJV)
It literally means, if you don't forgive your neighbor, God will not forgive you. Think about that for a second.
But the importance and urgency of that prayer really hit me while I was reading Matthew 18 earlier where Jesus was telling the parable of the servant whose master forgave him a large debt but this same servant threw his fellow servant in jail because he owed him a paltry sum of money.
When the master found out, he ordered the servant to be put in jail till he paid up his debt. Listen to what Jesus said:
..."So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:35 KJV)
Reading that gave me serious chills. Imagine God putting you in a "jail cell" simply because you chose not to forgive. Unwittingly, some of us have tied down our blessings because of our unwillingness to forgive. "Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else's crime.”
Forgiveness is no easy task but when we compare with how much God has forgiven us on a daily basis, you have no choice but to forgive and let go!
God bless you.

Blast From The Past

So the other day, I was on the bus on my way to school. I see this nicely dressed middle aged woman and a good looking teenage boy standing at the bus stop. I catch myself thinking, "Hmm...I want to look like her when I'm that age and if I ever had a son, I'd like him to look like this dude.
The guy and the woman get on the bus. As it would so happen, the teenager was standing right next to me. I was mildly horrified when I looked up and discovered that he had a tattoo on his left arm. Well no son of mine was ever getting a 'ta', talk less of 'ttoo'! Being the type of person that I am, I like making excuses for people. So I didn't judge him too harshly about the tattoo. I figured maybe he got it in his 'rebellious' phase or 'twas peer pressure.
You can imagine my dismay when I noticed that my 'teenage son fantasy' also has a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. Haay! I started laughing at myself. Fancy me having a son with a tattoo who smokes and does Lord knows what else. Heaven forbid it!
Somehow, a very valuable lesson occurred to me on the bus that day. 

"People are not always what they seem or appear to be.Sometimes people surprise us. Sometimes they outright shock us. Sometimes they turn out to not be at all who we thought they were. And sometimes the clues were right in front of our noses the entire time. Maybe we don’t want to see them for who they are, or maybe the truth seems impossible. Maybe we just want to think the best of those we think we know.
The next time you are shocked at someone’s action or reactions, think about how well you really know that person. Do you know them well enough to predict their movements? Are they really who you thought they were or did you only know the mask they were wearing? Could you see something wasn’t quite right? Were you close enough to offer assistance? Are you who everyone thinks you are? Finally, do you even know who you are?"

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day & God bless you!